It’s Tuesday morning. It’s been my norm for years and years to get up early. Very early. Usually between 4:30 – 5am. Since I decided to retire early – last December – I’ve gotten into the habit of sleeping in late. Well, late for me. I usually wake up around 7am. This was alarming to me at first. I felt shame and guilt. I felt lazy. As my Mom used to say to me, “half the day is gone!” It must be an Irish thing. She used to get up early. For as long as I can remember, she was up before the sunrise. She would have half of her housework done by 7am. But, I’ve gotten used to the luxury of sleeping in “late.”
So, its morning. I’m having coffee. I’m sitting at my kitchen counter and looking at a blank, white screen in front of my sleepy eyes. My blog is calling to me. It pulls me in. But for the past few months I’ve had a sort of writers block. Clark says I’m forcing it – that when I’m ready to write again, it will come naturally. Like it always has. And, he’s right.
Brian – my youngest son – has said to me in the past that when I don’t have anything to write about, perhaps it’s because I have not been doing anything “write worthy”. He’s observant. I believe this to be the case of my self-proclaimed block.
I could chalk it up to the transition of summer into fall if I really needed a scapegoat. The changing of the seasons. The fault could be laid at the heels of that happy sad place we find ourselves in when saying goodbye to one season and welcoming in the next. I always feel a little bit melancholy as the seasons change. And when I’m melancholy, I tend to take a break from writing. Oh, the changing seasons is a cycle of life that I love – one that I really do not think I could live without witnessing year in and out, but still, it’s a constant reminder of how fast time goes. The seasons speed by. You blink your eyes and time flies. Really, it would be unusual to go through an entire Summer without hearing at least a dozen times…that old familiar phrase..”I can’t believe the Summer is almost over!” And it’s true. It’s always a shock to see how fast it went by and how the next season has miraculously arrived without you noticing that it snuck up on you.
But, there it is. Fresh and new. A new beginning. A new cycle. A new Season. A fresh start. With all the promise and excitement of what lies ahead for you. New resolutions. New untapped energy. Come on New Season…I’m ready!
However, If I am going to be honest, my writer’s block could most likely be chalked up to the Clark Factor. My better half tends to be around the house more than he used to be. Right now he is upstairs snoozing. He took the day off. In all honesty, he takes a lot of time off of work these days. He is somewhat semi retired. He usually golf’s on the days he is not working, but I had a mini empty-Nester melt down last week and accused him of not wanting to spend time with me. Suddenly, this week he decided to spend his time off with me rather than hitting the links with his golf buddies. Coincidence? Nah, I don’t think so. But, I didn’t fight it. I decided to soak in the attention and enjoy spending some quality one on one time with my Hubs! YaY!!
Booo!! By noon on the first day that we spent together, I was wondering what in the world I was thinking when I practically bullied him into spending his day off with me rather than the guys. In theory, I was going to love having him around!! Hurray!! Us time!! In reality, it didn’t quite work out that way. He was in my space. All.Day.Long. It’s not that he was actually doing anything wrong – I just had not realized how much I liked my days to myself and my routine kept in place. I didn’t want to spend my day running to the hardware store with him. Or, dropping him off at the car dealership to get his car looked at. I didn’t want to eat lunch at 10:30am or watch the financial station on TV all morning. Or worse yet, watch golf on TV. And, when we went to the grocery store together, it took some getting used to watching him plow the cart down the center of the aisle and getting into some sort of freakish road rage event with the other shoppers. *Holy Cow!!*
By 3pm that day, I started to suspect that he was purposely trying to tick me off so I would beg him to please.. please, for the sake of our marriage…go golfing!!! And, I did. I told him to go golf with his friends. He was happier, I was happier. I realized that having him around gave me an odd sense of feeling all out of whack.
Slowly (and Thank Goodness!!) eventually he reverted back to his old ways. I once again became a (happy) golf widow. And more importantly, I was able to write again. He still hangs around somewhat in the early mornings before he heads out for his day with the guys, but that’s a compromise I can live with.
So now, these days when I am happily alone at home and carrying on with my usual routine, I wonder about what full retirement will be like. How do retiree’s do it? How do they learn to live together all day long without driving each other crazy?? Is it something that simply takes getting used to? And if so, how long is the transition period?
I Love My Hubs!! He’s my better half and my soul-mate and for better or worse, he’s my best friend!! Until Death Do us part!!! But, I pull my hair out when he’s around all day. I feel like I’m losing my ever-lovin’ mind!! I can not be the only one who goes nuts when your loved one suddenly decides to spend the day with you. Can I?