writer’s block

writers-block-1024x768This past week I realized that too much time has gone by since my last blog post.  It was time to sit down and write.

Writing seems to come naturally to me when I am under stress or pressure.  Or in the midst of some kind of major issue or drama in my life.  Ideas and thoughts pop into my head and I feel an uncontrollable need to jot them down.  Immediately.  I will drop everything I am doing and go to my PC.  My fingers tend to have a mind of their own.  The words flow from my mind through my hands and onto a white screen.

But right now I am not under stress or pressure.  The harder I try to come up with a topic, the bigger my writers block becomes.  Writers block ?? ~ Already?

A few weeks ago I told Bruce that I thought I needed a writing desk.  I thought it would be a smart purchase!  Yes, every great writer needs a place to compose their great fictional works.  OK, so I have only been a writer for a few months.  But I could get up early in the morning, start a pot of coffee and sit in my new makeshift office.  Beautiful!

Thinking back now, I probably should have just ordered one from online when I was in my online shopping mode.  That phase has now passed.  The urgent need I felt for a desk no longer feels so urgent.

So I hunker down at the kitchen table where I always tend to go to when I have something pressing I feel the need to share with the world.  When I don’t have a particular idea or theme to write about, I tend to get easily distracted.  I’ll see something from the corner of my eye out the window.  Oh, look at that beautiful red Cardinal!  Didn’t I just read this week that seeing one in flight was good luck?  Then I will notice Joe and Dee’s house right beyond the tree where I saw the cardinal.  Hmmm, I wonder how those two are doing?  Didn’t Joe tell Bruce and I that he was retiring this spring? 

Back to my blog.  I look down at the white screen in front of me.  I’m itching to write.  I feel at home behind my keyboard when composing my thoughts.  It’s a peace and a comfort to me.  It’s a sense of accomplishment.  I’ve always wanted to write a book.  Have always been told I should write a book.  Friends have told me, “I’d buy your book!”

That could be fun!  I could have a book signing!  I can imagine myself sitting behind a little desk.   Hidden behind my little pile of books.  Pen clenched in my sweaty hands.  Smiling brightly at every would-be buyer who strolled past.  It would be like having one of my party’s where I naively decided not to put an RSVP on the invite.  What if nobody showed up??  {How terrifying}

Oh ~ Back to my blog.  Still a white page in front of me.  For now, Im stuck.

So why the writers block all of a sudden?  I have read that it is the censor in our brain.  Our self-critic.  Sometimes that censor is bigger than we are. It says to us,  you have nothing that anyone really wants to read about right now.  I’ve also read that some of the greatest writers in literature – Leo Tolstoy, Virginia Woolf, Ernest Hemingway – were tormented by momentary lapses in their ability to produce text.  If it can happen to them, of course it is going to happen to me!  Relief!  It is temporary!

10082454-FB~Girl-in-a-Flower-Print-Dress-High-Heels-Headscarf-and-Sunglasses-Steps-out-of-a-Convertible-Car-PostersMy new strategy….I will start to carry a notepad with me.  How many times have I been stopped at a red light or been driving in my car when a great idea has hit me?  Oh!  I need to remember this so I can write about it when I get home!!  By the time I finally did get home, all I remembered was that I had a great idea. So now I will jot down the idea at the red light.

This new strategy of mine was a smashing success!  I’d sit at the stop light and jot down all of my fabulous ideas.  I probably looked like someone very important to everyone around me.  I had pen and paper in hand!  I had big sunglasses on!  Next time I’d wear a fancy scarf!  HONK HONK!  Sheeesh, who’s honking?  In my rush to look up from paper to rear view mirror, I knocked my sunglasses sideways on my face.  Who knew red lights were so short?  Who knew there were so many people out there in such a hurry to get to where they are going? {Aha! An Idea! Must write about Road Rage!}

Bruce told me my best writing was when I did not have to try to think of a topic.  He told me it was not something that could be forced.  He was right.  When I am inspired by someone or something, I sit down and it is like my hands have a mind of their own.  I can finish a post in about 15 minutes.  And I am usually pleased with the outcome.

I wonder tho ~ was my writing just a venue that helped to keep my mind occupied the past months during a disastrous time in my life?  Now that my storm has passed, I’ve slowly gotten back into my old routine. Writing has taken a back seat again.  It was a productive way to deal with tragedy.  One door was closed, a window was opened.

And you know what?  I love looking out this window.  Who knew I’d feel so at home and love what I was seeing?  I like what I can see on the horizon in the far off distance.  It’s fresh and it’s new.  It  keeps me on my toes.  So for now, I wait.  I wait for the next idea to hit me.  And it will.  I may be in the line at the grocery store or I may be on one of my long walks, but it will come to me.  It always does.