With a wink and a nod

 

Christmas-Image

The “Happy Holiday” vs. “Merry Christmas” debate heats up every year around this time.  Well, let’s be honest people, the holiday debate probably starts in September when the department stores start to set up their Christmas displays in a pitiful effort to outdo the sales of their competition.  Shameful!!

Since when has saying a very simple “Merry Christmas!” become such a crime?  I know, touchy subject.  But, bear with me and let’s see if we can’t sort this entire mess out.  OK?

If I understand it correctly, when in public, I’m supposed to avoid the words “Merry Christmas” at all costs for fear of completely offending someone to their core if they are not a Christian?  Is that correct?  Now, if someone came up to me and said “Happy Kwanzaa!” I’d be like, right on!…”Happy Kwanzaa to you as well!”  Of course I myself do not celebrate Kwanzaa but I also don’t find the expression offensive in any way, shape or form.  Oddly enough, I also don’t find the words Happy Hanukkah offensive.

Maybe we’ve all just gotten a bit too sensitive and things have gotten blown out of proportion.  So, this year, instead of getting upset over this same, stale topic, let’s see if we can’t sort this misunderstanding out.  Shall we?

Maybe instead of saying anything at all to each other, maybe we should just give each other a big spirited wink and a thumbs up as we pass each other on the street.  That would be jolly!  Or, we could all wear hats and jauntily tip them to each other as a silent signal of holiday greeting.  No words, no offense!  We could heartily slap each other on the backs as a happy greeting or we could simply shake each others hands.  No, wait.  Then we get into the entire spreading germs debate.  I know!  We could all wear bow ties and bow to each other in greeting rather than shaking hands!

Maybe if we shifted our focus to these fascinating (and fun!) new greetings rather than staying stuck in the quagmire of the old, boring argument of whether or not we’re offending each other, things would settle down and we’d all get back to just enjoying the season for what it is.

Or, we could all just accept the “Merry Christmas” greeting for what it is – a simple expression of the joy of the season.  Not a sinister, thought out plot to offend one another.

If you don’t believe, try not to get offended at someone the next time they say “Merry Christmas” to you. Think about what they are wishing you, what they are sharing out of their own belief. And if you do believe, and someone says “seasons greetings” or “happy holidays” or ‘joyous Kwanzaa”   just smile and say, “And to you  as well.”  Your countenance alone might just extend to them the meaning of the season; at the very least it will warm your own heart, and you’ll be that much happier for doing so

So, Merry Christmas, Christians; Happy Hanukkah, Jews; Super Solstice, Pagans; Hurray, Human Light Humanists; Joyous Kwanzaa to African Diaspora and to everyone all together — Wishing you a wonderful holiday season!

merry_christmas_2013-HD

25 Things All Women Should Be Able To Do Before The Age Of 25

christmas-banner

As the Month of November leaves us and December lands on our doorstep, chaos ensues.  Busy and hectic days are upon us.  It’s hard to find time to sit down for a moment and think, let alone, find the time to pound out a well written blog post.

As is my usual habit, December posts tend to fall by the wayside.  This year, rather than taking a small holiday hiatus, I’m going to concentrate on writing just a few original posts. In between those posts, I’ll be sharing articles and essays and interesting tidbits that I run across from a variety of venues.

So, Enjoy!! Take time to savor the month of December. Slow down when you can, look around, open your eyes and really see all that this magical month has to offer.


25 Things Every Woman Should Be Able To Do By Age 25

via

 

Here are 25 things you should aim to learn how to do by age 25 — or whenever you get around to it.

1. Negotiate a raise. Women –especially women of color — earn less than their male counterparts If you don’t think you are being paid what you are worth, know how to ask.

2. Whip up a signature drink. Bees Knees, anyone?

3. Give unwelcome news with tact and compassion. There are times when brutal honesty is OK — and times when it is not. Learn the difference, and practice being an effective communicator.

4. Put together furniture. You’ll feel so proud every time you sit on that IKEA sofa that took you three hours, two beers and one private temper tantrum to assemble.

 

5. Read and think critically. Don’t believe everything you are told. Know how to read between the lines and analyze something for yourself, whether it’s the morning news or someone’s convoluted Facebook post.

6. Spell properly. If you don’t know something, look it up.

7. Be a good houseguest. And for the love of god, write a thank-you note.

8. Understand your finances. No, your student loans won’t magically go away. Yes, you should put money into your 401(k), especially if your company matches it. And so on. Financial literacy isn’t something you learn in school, so you’ll have to take matters into your own hands. It’s worth it.

 

9. Have fun on your own. Not everyone is built for traveling the world solo, but being able to entertain yourself is a seriously underrated skill.

10. Make at least one simple, nutritious meal. 

11. Trust your instincts. Constantly second-guessing yourself is exhausting.

12. Walk away. From a friendship, a job, a relationship, an argument, and anything else that you know in your heart just isn’t right.

13. Advocate for yourself.  Ask your doctor for a second opinion if you really think something is wrong. Ask that manspreader to move over so you can sit down. And don’t let anyone steamroll you into making a decision until you’re ready to make it.

14. Perform simple repairs. YouTube will teach you how to sew that button back on or use a power drill to re-hang that badass feminist print.

15. Say “no.” It’s a complete sentence.

16. Cut yourself off when you’ve had enough to drink. Enough said.

17. Stick to a budget. Apps like Mint and You Need A Budget make this easier than ever.

18. Take rejection well. This one is easier said that done, but as Aaliyah famously said: “If at first you don’t succeed, pick yourself up and try again (you can dust it off and try again, try again).”

19. Use the items in your toolbox. Because the days of paying your friends down the hall in beer to hang your pictures are over.

20. Argue without losing your cool. If you can stay logical when you are angry, any conversations you have in the midst of conflict will be far more effective.

21. Speak passably in public. Be prepared for that future work presentation, maid of honor speech or casual toast at a party.

 

22. Tell a totally inoffensive, hilarious joke. Bonus points for clever puns.

23. Apologize with sincerity. No matter how old you are, you’ll mess up and get things wrong sometimes. But how you react after the fact is up to you.

24. Go a full day without complaining. You’d be surprised at what you learn.

25. Make a new friend. The squad goal of #NoNewFriends can’t last forever. You can do it! After all, you’re a grown-ass woman.

 

FRIENDS1_1

Hey, Norman Rockwell, That’s Not Thanksgiving!.

13212745

Freedom from Want by Norman Rockwell

 

Right, so Im not so sure that Norman Rockwell’s famous print, Freedom from Want, is an accurate portrayal of what Thanksgiving truly is.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve romanticized the ability that the Holiday’s have to unite the family.  Especially Thanksgiving.  In my head, it’s a time when we should all gather ’round the table together, enjoy an old-fashioned specially prepared meal, and recognize all that we have to be grateful for.

As you  walk through the door of the of the home where you’ll be celebrating the big day, you immediately notice a blazing fire in the fireplace as you shake off the cold and bits of snow that stick to your wool jacket.  As your host helps you with your scarf, gloves and dish that you’ve brought to share, your senses are assaulted from the aroma of pumpkin pies, cinnamon pinwheels, or maybe even the pine tree scent of a live tree. (for those of you who jump the gun on Christmas!!)

You look around and spot a children’s table set up somewhere in a discreet corner where chaos is sure to break out.  The women are gathered in the kitchen, each with an assigned duty to help make the meal flow – All the while catching up on news from each other’s family’s.  The men, all gather in a room with a giant screen TV  watching some must-see football game. In good nature, they slap each other on the back and laugh loudly at something just out of your earshot.  They debate and argue about whose favored team is best and sure to go to a bowl game.

All of this activity leads up to some fantastic meal that you’ll all gather around, while celebrating the pilgrims landing on Plymouth Rock.  This is Thanksgiving!!

Or, is it?  Is Thanksgiving really all about this festive scene that’s been planted in our heads with the help of the media and storybook tales and long-lived family traditions?

Let’s face it: as wonderful as the holiday may be (a day dedicated to football, gluttony and awkward family moments) maybe Thanksgiving is about something deeper.  Something deeper than this gluttonous tradition that we’ve all been raised to treasure.  A tradition with a very questionable beginning might I add.

Last September, something joyous happened in our family.  My husband and I were having Sunday breakfast with my son and daughter-in-law.  They told us about a shopping trip they went on in which they found a little something for us.  It was an early “Christmas gift” but they wanted us to open it together that morning.  Lauren handed me the bag and I  peaked inside. I saw a gift along with a homemade note.   I pulled the paper out and read it aloud.  On it was written – “Only the best parents get promoted to grandparents.”   *blink*   I had not even made it through the end of the note before I started squealing in happiness.  I turned to my hubs and he was tearing up.  I continued to squeal, ran to the kids and hugged them.  They were giggling.  I was squealing.  Clark was crying.  It was a beautiful scene! We were going to be Grandparents!!

baby copy

Fast forward thirteen weeks.  Fast forward past thirteen weeks of my beautiful daughter-in-law, Lauren, being cautious and keeping the pregnancy on the down low until just the right time to make the announcement. I couldn’t wait to share the news with my sisters and friends and relatives.  Lauren and my son Bruce were doing everything right.  They went to the Drs’ appointments together.  There were ultrasounds and multivitamins.  They were eating healthy.  There were checkups. Everything was moving along perfectly.

And then, the phone call.  This past week, Thanksgiving week, I woke early to a text… “Hey Mom, txt me when you get up.  Bruce left for work already so it doesn’t matter how early it is.”

As a mother’s intuition goes, I instantly got a knot in my stomach.  I immediately called Lauren. It was before 6am.  Something was off.  I could hear it in her voice as she answered.   And then her words hit me like a brick.  “Something’s not right.”  She had phoned her Dr and was told to take her time but to meet her at her office when she had a chance that morning.  They would check things out.

I threw on some clothes and raced through the Chicago rush hour traffic to her apartment. Ninety agonizing minutes.  And then we drove to the hospital together.  Bruce was waiting for her there.  My hub was there.  Clark and I watched as the kids walked into the exam room.  An hour later our worst fears were confirmed.  Lauren had lost the baby.  It was heart wrenching to watch their world fall apart.

Outside the downtown office, it was cold and windy that day.  Clark and I looked at this young couple who had just gotten the worse news of their lives delivered to them.  In the span of a few days they were catapulted from cloud nine to a state of agonizing devastation. It was more than any of us could bear.  Our hearts were broken.

The days to follow were solemn.  Everyone tried to hold each other up.  My boys, who would have been uncles for the first time, were heartbroken for Bruce and Lauren.  Devastated, Clark and I kept a close eye on the kids to make sure they were processing this tragic loss.  They came out to stay with us.  It was open-ended.  They wanted and needed to be with family.  And so, we gathered and just stayed together.  It was without a doubt the hardest thing that both Bruce and Lauren had ever gone through in their lives so far.  And, they were right where they needed to be for the time being.

The day before they were going to leave to go back to their own apartment, the news stations were warning people about an early snowstorm that would hit the city. We don’t usually get snow in November.  We rarely even have snow on Thanksgiving. But, we were being warned over and over again that we were about to get hammered.

I woke up very early that morning after that predicted snowfall.  I pulled the drapes back and l looked out my window.  The outside world was lit up from the glow of the moonlight.  The predicted snow had come.  The ground and streets were covered with a deep blanket of undisturbed white that stretched from one yard to the next..  There were no tracks on the streets yet and no footprints across any lawns.  It was beautiful. And, peaceful.

My eyes were drawn to our driveway which had four cars parked on it.  Those were my kids cars hidden under those mounds of snow.  Cars that last week would not have been parked on that driveway.  Cars that were there that morning because we, as a family, had gathered together to hold each other up while mourning the loss of something so precious to all of us.

I thought about the timing of it all.  It was Thanksgiving week.  I smiled to myself and got a feeling of warm love inside.

This…. This is what Thanksgiving truly was.  Family.  Love.  We feel each other’s pain.  We celebrate each others victories.  And I’m so truly thankful for the blessing of Family.

Wishing you and your loved ones a truly Happy Thanksgiving and a Joyous start to your Holiday Season.

 

IMG_20130306_221652

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Luck of the Irish

Celebrating St. Patrick’s Day, For Those Pretending To Be Irish

via

In Honor of St Patrick’s Day, I thought I’d share some tips on how to celebrate the day if you were not lucky enough to be born Irish, as I was.  I thought about it and researched and wrote my thoughts down.  Then, having the luck of the Irish on my side, I ran into this article.  I could not have said it better my self.  So to you, I share with you these words of wisdom which i stumbled upon and decided were just too good to pass up.

Happy St Patrick’s Day……..


 It’s St Patrick’s Day, and millions of people are waking up around the world with one aim. To pretend to be Irish

Gone are the days when you can just celebrate the day with your Irish friends while submerging yourself in the culture, knowing full well you have no Irish blood whatsoever. No. Literally everyone, on this day, has a long lost cousin somewhere in a far distant shire.

It can’t be stopped. Not in a million years. So in an attempt to at least try and make things easier when you’re undercover out there, here are a few tips that may actually get you through a full day as a fake Irishman…

Exaggerate your heritage

1ireland-flag

You have absolutely no Irish blood in you, or if you do, it’s extremely faint and almost nonexistent. But that won’t stop you. Exaggerate the sh*t out of it. Your beloved Irish nanny (who is actually called Barbara and has never even been to an Irish bar) dropped your mam on the docks of the Mersey herself and is an icon in your family.

Hate the English

2tumblr_mubthlOLkT1rbfgm3o1_1280

You’re going to need to hate the English for what they did to your people. Don’t go too deep with this – that’s an absolute no go. You don’t have enough time to learn the history. The best thing you can do in this situation is learn a few rebel songs and blurt them out if someone engages with you about a conflict you know absolutely piss all about.

Don’t wear an Irish flag cape, please

3120625_v1

If you decide to wear the Irish flag as a cape on St Patrick’s Day, you may as well run around screaming “I’m English” all day. Just don’t do it. This is one of the main ways I identify the English people every year. Granted, you will get the odd Irish person wearing one, but the majority of Irish men and women respect their flag enough not to sweat into it all day, sit on it then use it as a means to wipe up green vomit later on.

Kiss me, I’m pretending to be Irish

4120626

Feel free to kiss this person. On the lips. With your fist. If you thought the cape was bad, and a great identifier for the English, then this is a  homing beacon. There is no doubt in my mind that whatever damage you inflict on a person wearing this t-shirt, they already deserve it. However, I will at this point say that it’s not a good idea to assault someone, and while that will probably be happening wherever you look tonight, don’t actually punch people in the lips with your fist. Just laugh at them, instead.

Don’t drink the Green Guinness

5Green-Guinness

There’s no doubt you’re going to be knocking back the fluid as consistently as possible, in order to keep up with your cohorts, who are much better drinkers than you. But you don’t NEED to drink the green stuff. It doesn’t make you more Irish. What it does, however, is waits. And waits. Until it’s ready to exit your body and make your bathroom look like that 2009 Maga’ foam party.

Don’t ask if Leprechaun’s are real

52341693483_9c2a7a931c_b

Or do, if you want to blow your cover as a real Irish person. I would prefer you actually did this one, if I’m honest. As early on in the night as possible.

Learn the sh*t out of this

6danny_boy_

If you don’t know this Irish banger word for word, you’re going to feel like a black sheep. Sorry, you’re going to feel even more like the black sheep that you already are. There will never be a point in the day when everyone will just spontaneously burst into song with this – in most cases it will just be an older guy in the corner, on his own after one too many. But if you really want to impress, that guy could be you.

Turn up for work tomorrow

7angry-boss

You’re going to want to turn up for work tomorrow, too. Your boss knows full well you’re not even the slightest bit Irish and he won’t be pleased when he finds out you just went for a midweek piss up. Your Irish colleagues will probably get the benefit of the doubt. It means something to them – even if ‘something’ just means getting shitfacewankered with their actual Irish family all day. They still have more of a reason to not make it into work the next day.


Luck is believing you’re lucky

May the luck of the Irish be with you today and always

door

 

 



 

Do you remember your dreams?

2014-01-09-Dreams_Cloud_Recurring_Dreams_shutterstock_96056636

 

I had my recurring dream last night.

I’ve been having the same one for years.  I’m back in school again.  Sometimes it’s high school.  Sometimes it college.  It’s always in some bizarre setting and never with the same group of people.  Sometimes it’s with current friends and acquaintances.  Other times I’m with people from my past.  Sometimes it’s with old co-workers or neighbors or friends from church.  The only common thread running through the dream is that I am back at school again.  That thought in itself is a nightmare.

The actual building I am in is always very big and it never looks familiar to me.  (Perhaps because I’m no spring chicken anymore and bordering on senile – which I totally blame on raising three *enthusiastic* boys.)  I’m ALWAYS lost in the facility and looking for my locker.  As I wander the long, winding halls – which never seem to make any architectural senseI am concentrating on trying to remember the combination to my locker.  I never can remember it.  (Again, that senility issue.)  I also can never remember the last time I was in class or where the classrooms are.  And, usually it takes place towards the end of the school year and everyone is going to graduate except for me.  I will be left behind in school for one more year – not knowing anyone who will be held back with me ~ worrying about who I will be living with.

Then I wake up – relieved that I am, in fact, out of school and have been for years.  A big, big relief

I have wondered often why this is the dream that visits me so regularly.  As if it is a beloved movie or television series that is replayed over and over again on the big 64′ Samsung Flat-Screen TV in my mind.

After finally becoming curious enough, I started to dig around for answers and what I found was not anything unsettling or mysterious.  It was nothing that pointed to deep underlying issues in my life that were trying to surface through my subconsciousness at nighttime when I slept. What I found was the total opposite.  Recurring dreams are common amongst us.  So common in fact, that we all seem to be having the same ones.  Over and over again.

Now, I have always tended to chalk these dreams up to hectic periods in my life.  Like for instance, the Holidays.  Let’s face it, not many of us have a Normal Rockwell experience.  Is it a coincidence that I had my *school* dream last night in the midst of Black Friday & Cyber Monday Mayhem?  (Oh the pressure!)!  After weeks of preparing for Thanksgiving and trying to stage the perfect holiday gathering, I go to sleep at night with my wheels in full gear and when my body finally falls into slumber from the pure the exhaustion of the day, the wheels just keep on spinning.  Yep, no surprise there that my dream would invade my thoughts on that night!

OK, so that is my spin on dreams, but here are the “experts” spin.  (I use the term ‘experts’ loosely)

 

 

Top Ten Most Common Recurring Dreams

 

10. Trapped – You might have this dream when you are having conflict in deciding how to react in a situation in real life.  Or when you are feeling trappedthe pressure of mountains of debt in your life.  This dream usually means that you are trapped in real life – unable to make the right choice.

I experience this when grocery shopping.  I know I should opt for the Fat Free Frozen Yogurt but reach for the Edy’s Grand full fat Ice cream instead.  Totally worth losing a night of sleep feeling trapped!!  Yummy!

 

 

9. Public Exposure – The meaning of this dream could be that you are feeling exposed, awkward, or vulnerable, or you are afraid that you have Nakedrevealed too much of yourself (such as a secret or a very personal feeling) in a real life situation. You are in a state of undress, partial undress, or inappropriate dress (for example wearing pajamas to work). This is often accompanied by feelings of embarrassment and shame, but occasionally with the feeling of pride or freedom.

I imagine this would be a dream that someone working from home in their jammies all day (possibly eating Edy’s Ice cream in the process) would experience.  No shame in that!

 

8. Wet Dreams  This could mean an emotional burden, professional or relationship worries, amongst others. The dream tends to cause panic (as drowning-300x400drowning would but it clearly demonstrates, especially when it becomes a reoccurrence, that there is an important issue in the dreamer’s waking life that is not being dealt with that threatens to overwhelm them.

Nope, not the good kind of wet dreams.  Bummer.

 

 

7. I Can Fly!! – Being able to fly is a common theme in recurring dreams. It is generally positive imagery and the dream of being able to fly usually fallingpoints to creativity, widening your horizons, and overcoming the odds.

OK, so flying in dreams is good just as flying in real life is good, which to me denotes heading on vacation.  Chalk one up for the flying dreams!

 

6. Going Nowhere or moving in slow motion – Moving in slow motion, trapped in quicksand, or being otherwise unable to move can clearly signify a runninginplacerut that has developed in the dreamer’s life, regardless of whether it’s personal, professional, or their long term goals. This can show that the dreamer is facing difficult obstacles and restrictions and basically getting nowhere.

If you have this dream and you’re not part of the OK-Go Treadmill Music Video then this dream interpretation probably applies to you.

 

 

 5. How’s your dental plan? – This dream possibly signifies the underlying feeling of decay and fear of losing control of a situation in yoteethur life.

I always thought it was my minds way of telling me to cut back on sweets and goodies.  Or possibly, it may be a subtle reminder to make that dentist appointment I’ve been putting off.  *shrug*

 

 

 

4. Excuse me, could you point me in the direction of the washroom – To dream that you are in search of washroom or in a public restroom with no stalls, signifies Bathroomcrop_20101012your frustrations about getting enough privacy.”  Apprently, paretns of toddlers tend to have this one a lot.  Not only do they never get to ‘go’ by themselves in public washrooms any more – my kids often provides a play-by-play commentary on my private activities to the rest of the lucky people in the room!

OK, I’ve never had this one.  I pride myself in the fact that I know where every single washroom in the city is.  I also pride myself in the fact that I know where the nice ones are – you know, like in the posh lounges and bars of the swanky hotels. Stick with me!  I know ’em all!

3. Where’s my Locker?  Where’s my classroom?  What?! ~ there’s a test today? – If you can’t get your locker open, can’t find your classroom or your unprepared1house; or, you’re late for something (a test, a train, a meeting) then you find yourself in this category (and in good company – this is a very common type of dream).  School, career, even a new home – these settings all represent change. If you feel unprepared for changes coming to your waking life, then prepare yourself for dreams furnished with impenetrable school lockers, locked doors, and labyrinthine buildings.

DING DING DING!!!  This is my beloved recurring dream!!!  Unorganized? Me?  Absolutely!  Im often scattered and a fly by the seat of my pants kid of gal.  Ask my friends!!  They’ll confirm this for you.  However, on the flip side, these are all signs of creativity as well.  Hence – my Blog  🙂

 

2. Geranimo!!!!! – Falling dreams are a sign that you are out of control.  The represent a feeling of fear of abandonment, especially feeling flying1abandoned by a ‘caretaker’ such as a partner, employer.

Thanks GOODNESS I don’t have this one.  I do not like that feeling of falling, not to mention the challenge it would be for anyone to be my caregiver.  I tend to be bossy.  Although I call it “taking charge.”

 

1. The Big Chase – This one could possibly mean that you are trying to get away from something; “you are running away from or trying to hide from Chasedsomething you need to face.”  It could be “a feeling you are avoiding, a conflict you don’t want to handle or a difficult memory you would rather forget.

I probably would have had this one when my kids were little but I just could not find a good hiding from them during the day.  They ALWAYS knew where I was. 

 

 


 

Have you ever had recurring dreams and if so, what could they be trying to tell you?

 

2014-01-09-Dreams_Cloud_Recurring_Dreams_shutterstock_96056636


Saint Paddy’s Day

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!!

stpaddySt. Patrick’s Day is an awesome holiday to celebrate your Irish heritage — especially if you don’t have any. Everyone’s Irish on St. Paddy’’s Day, or so they say. Tho we gather together to eat corned beef, wear shamrocks and look for suckers to pinch for good luck, St. Patrick’s real rise to fame stems from another source altogether.  According to tradition, Patrick returned to Ireland to convert the pagan Irish to Christianity.  He spent many years evangelizing in the northern half of Ireland and converted “thousands”. Tradition holds that he died on 17 March

As a saint, Patrick rated an official feast day from the Catholic Church.  Saint Patrick’s Day!!

Everyone seems to love this holiday.  Adults love it because of the association with carousing.  Children love it because of the thrill of setting traps with the very real hope of catching a leprechaun.  They also get to do what kids do best, practice their fine art of pinching (for good luck, of course).

river

Chicago dye’s it’s river green and celebrates with a massive and festive parade which is widely attended by people from all walks of life.  And if it’s one thing Chicagoans know how to do, it’s party on St Paddy’s Day.

parade

But, should there be limits to our carousing and pinching and over the top celebrating?  From where I am sitting, there are some definite don’t s  associated with this holiday…Here are a few tips of what “not to do” on Saint Patrick’s day…

Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay said it best.  Her blog is amazing with it’s always humorous “lists”.  You can read more of her humor here.  But first, let’s celebrate the don’t s of St Paddy’s day.  Enjoy!

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

10. On St. Patrick’s Day, do not dye any of your body hair green. If you do, at best, you will get strange looks and a possible reprimand from your boss. At worst, you will have to live with the color until the hair grows out or your divorce is final, whichever comes first.

shamrock-border1hth

9. On St. Patrick’s Day, do not try to wish everyone a happy day with a made up Irish brogue. If you do, at best, you might offend a genuine Irish person. At worst, the genuine Irish person offended might just be the local police officer.

shamrock-border1hth

8. On St. Patrick’s Day, do not believe you need to bring your homemade corned beef and cabbage to the office to share. If you do, at best, you might have coworkers avoiding your cube since the smell of cabbage might lead them to believe it is something else. At worst, the hazmat team from office services will have foamed down your work area before you have a chance to explain.

shamrock-border1hth

7. On St. Patrick’s Day, do not think Guinness stout drinks just like any other beer when you go out to celebrate with your coworkers. If you do, at best, you might have to find a ride home. At worst, you might have to rehearse your apology for the coworkers and your boss in an effort to salvage your job.

shamrock-border1hth

6. On St. Patrick’s Day, do not sing your favorite limericks no matter how innocent you believe them to be. If you do, at best, you will start a round of Limericks that aren’t so innocent. At worst, the local authorities will be called in to calm the disturbance reported by those within earshot of what can best be described as X-rated songs.

shamrock-border1hth

5. On St. Patrick’s Day, do not follow the suggestion of a coworker to play a Leprechaun at the cake and coffee gathering. If you do, at best, you will be the laughing-stock till next year. At worst, you will be asked by your boss to play the leprechaun at the family St. Patrick’s Day picnic and there is still snow on the ground.

shamrock-border1hth

4. On St. Patrick’s Day, do not wish everyone Erin Go Bragh unless you know what it means. If you don’t know what it means and you say it to the wrong person, at best, you may get some weird looks. At worst, you may find your self embroiled in a political battle with someone with a different view.

shamrock-border1hth

3. On St. Patrick’s Day, do not think Bushnell’s in coffee is no more harmful than sugar. If you do, at best, you may find yourself slurring your words when you say Erin Go Bragh. At worst, you may find yourself totally wide awake and unable to find your way home.

shamrock-border1hth

2. On St. Patrick’s Day, do not put any kind of green-colored hat on your head. If you do, at best, you will look ridiculous. At worst, there will be several photos snapped that you will pay large sums to have deleted.

shamrock-border1hth

1. On St. Patrick’s Day, do not drink anything green. If you do, at best, you will have the lips of a lizard. At worst, you will need to schedule a dentist appointment to have your teeth restored to their original color.

Happy St. Paddy’s Day!!

dog

2424023_orig