Celebrating St. Patrick’s Day, For Those Pretending To Be Irish
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In Honor of St Patrick’s Day, I thought I’d share some tips on how to celebrate the day if you were not lucky enough to be born Irish, as I was. I thought about it and researched and wrote my thoughts down. Then, having the luck of the Irish on my side, I ran into this article. I could not have said it better my self. So to you, I share with you these words of wisdom which i stumbled upon and decided were just too good to pass up.
Happy St Patrick’s Day……..
It’s St Patrick’s Day, and millions of people are waking up around the world with one aim. To pretend to be Irish
Gone are the days when you can just celebrate the day with your Irish friends while submerging yourself in the culture, knowing full well you have no Irish blood whatsoever. No. Literally everyone, on this day, has a long lost cousin somewhere in a far distant shire.
It can’t be stopped. Not in a million years. So in an attempt to at least try and make things easier when you’re undercover out there, here are a few tips that may actually get you through a full day as a fake Irishman…
Exaggerate your heritage
You have absolutely no Irish blood in you, or if you do, it’s extremely faint and almost nonexistent. But that won’t stop you. Exaggerate the sh*t out of it. Your beloved Irish nanny (who is actually called Barbara and has never even been to an Irish bar) dropped your mam on the docks of the Mersey herself and is an icon in your family.
Hate the English
You’re going to need to hate the English for what they did to your people. Don’t go too deep with this – that’s an absolute no go. You don’t have enough time to learn the history. The best thing you can do in this situation is learn a few rebel songs and blurt them out if someone engages with you about a conflict you know absolutely piss all about.
Don’t wear an Irish flag cape, please
If you decide to wear the Irish flag as a cape on St Patrick’s Day, you may as well run around screaming “I’m English” all day. Just don’t do it. This is one of the main ways I identify the English people every year. Granted, you will get the odd Irish person wearing one, but the majority of Irish men and women respect their flag enough not to sweat into it all day, sit on it then use it as a means to wipe up green vomit later on.
Kiss me, I’m pretending to be Irish
Feel free to kiss this person. On the lips. With your fist. If you thought the cape was bad, and a great identifier for the English, then this is a homing beacon. There is no doubt in my mind that whatever damage you inflict on a person wearing this t-shirt, they already deserve it. However, I will at this point say that it’s not a good idea to assault someone, and while that will probably be happening wherever you look tonight, don’t actually punch people in the lips with your fist. Just laugh at them, instead.
Don’t drink the Green Guinness
There’s no doubt you’re going to be knocking back the fluid as consistently as possible, in order to keep up with your cohorts, who are much better drinkers than you. But you don’t NEED to drink the green stuff. It doesn’t make you more Irish. What it does, however, is waits. And waits. Until it’s ready to exit your body and make your bathroom look like that 2009 Maga’ foam party.
Don’t ask if Leprechaun’s are real
Or do, if you want to blow your cover as a real Irish person. I would prefer you actually did this one, if I’m honest. As early on in the night as possible.
Learn the sh*t out of this
If you don’t know this Irish banger word for word, you’re going to feel like a black sheep. Sorry, you’re going to feel even more like the black sheep that you already are. There will never be a point in the day when everyone will just spontaneously burst into song with this – in most cases it will just be an older guy in the corner, on his own after one too many. But if you really want to impress, that guy could be you.
Turn up for work tomorrow
You’re going to want to turn up for work tomorrow, too. Your boss knows full well you’re not even the slightest bit Irish and he won’t be pleased when he finds out you just went for a midweek piss up. Your Irish colleagues will probably get the benefit of the doubt. It means something to them – even if ‘something’ just means getting shitfacewankered with their actual Irish family all day. They still have more of a reason to not make it into work the next day.
Luck is believing you’re lucky
May the luck of the Irish be with you today and always
Being Margaret 
Reblogged this on The Professional Problem Solver.
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Reblogged this on and commented:
Because I like the very last picture and the two lines above it…I choose to reblog this today! I am thinking of two friends who will not read this blog…one has passed on and the other who shared a “top of the mornin'” greeting frequently! I’d better go send him a note!
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Ah, Thank You! Today I think of my Parents who are both no longer with me. Being Irish, we are a sentimental family and today is bittersweet. Thanks for visiting. Go Msg your friend! 🙂
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A Very Happy St. Patrick’s Day to You and Yours!
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Thank You! To you as well!
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Lá Margaret Shona Fhéile Pádraig!
Jim
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ahh, now Im going to have to c&p that at babelfish. 🙂 Happy St Paddy’s day!
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Being English, never saw such a fuss about a Catholic person. Before moving to Canada. While my family background is from all parts of mainland England. I do not have any Irish in me. Nor would I claim it. Many Irish people from both North and Eire, live in London. While growing up there, there was little overt celebration of the day. Even in the predominately Irish areas, like Kilburn or Cricklewood, etc. I worked in factories after leaving school. Before coming to Canada. There were Irish, Jamaicans, Scots, Welsh, Pakistani and some Hindu even some English co-workers.
Never saw a green pint of beer. …. yuck! Do the Irish hate the Brits? Maybe? Most of them recognized it was not the working class that caused the hardships. It was the establishment. The Black and Tans. A Scots regiment. Most of the Irish i knew, enjoyed the paypacket that they got in London. Were some of them claiming pogey? Maybe, yet nobody advertised the fact.
Nobody celebrates March 1st. except Welsh. Having lived in Wales, you would see a few leeks pinned to lapels. That was it.
North America is strange about adopting other cultures ways. Whether it be Diwali or St.Patrick’s days. Almost 10% of immigrants are English and come to Canada, each year. -St George’s day? Hahahaha!
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I love this! I think I might have to box my husband now because he’s of Irish heritage and I’m of English heritage. EEK!
Also, on a complete unrelated note, would you like to join something called, Funny Blog Friday? It’s where a bunch of bloggers blog on Friday and it’s funny. Or some of them don’t. It’s not every friday, it’s whenever we feel like. It’s very unorganized at you can see. If the answer is yes, we have a Google+ Group, I add URL’s to my page and we link to each other on the day of the FBF. Ugg..sounds both complicated and unorganized. But trust me…it’s sort of awesome and getting awesomer all the time. haaa. Anyway, if you want, I’ll explain EVERYTHING. Email me… victoria@angstanarchy.com
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This somewhat Irish friend loves this!!!!
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So true. And funny too. sd
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Happy St Patrick’s Day
john..and yes, i’m Irish
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All good stuff, although it’s wise to remember most Irishmen actually detest Irish folk songs, so don’t even whistle ‘Danny Boy’ until after the tenth pint. Oh, and whatever you do, avoid all reference to potatoes…
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Goodness, don’t tell all the Irish girls wandering around Temple Bar & O’Connell St. wearing ‘Kiss Me, I’m Irish’ t-shirts that they’re not Irish; they’ll be most offended!
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We’ve lived in Ireland for 15 St Patrick’s days now… oh boy, on the 17th of March each year I try and be even more South African!! For the craic!! 🙄
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I’m half south African and half Irish. Bloody rugby. Literally torn in half. 😉
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I have no difficulty suggesting which half of you you should support the most!! Mind you, I’ve predicted both will get to the quarters… after that your guess is as good as mine!! 😉 I’ll drink a Pinotage… er, Jammie or Black Bush while you have a black one!! 😉
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Ha ha. I’ll take all fout. 😉 That must be the Irish side talking …
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Ha ha. I stupidly did a stand up gig in St Patrick’s day this year. Totally forgot the date. Won’t make that mistake again. Guinness is very hard to wash out. Ironically most of it was thrown by West Indians. That’s London though.
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