Why women need women in their lives

On By Peggy BereIn Musings

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It was a Thursday Morning.  The first Thursday of the New Year.  That meant that I would be meeting up with one of my besties for coffee.    We made a pact last year to meet up once a week at the coffee shop that sits midway between her suburb and mine.   Thursday mornings, that was the day we agreed upon.  They would be our day!!  Regardless of weather.  Regardless of schedules.  And, we stuck to our deal.  Last year we met every single Thursday except for one or two.   The only thing that keeps us away from our sacred get-together is if one of us is out-of-town.  That’s a reasonable excuse.

She always arrives before I do.  And, there is usually an empty “to go” cup waiting for me.  Her treat.  We buy the “to go” cups because this particular spot lets you refill your java as many times as you’d like and then take one with you *to go* if you’d like.  And we do.

I have tried endlessly, unsuccessfully, to beat her to our spot so that I can treat her for coffee just once.  But every week, regardless of how early I get ready in the morning and rush out the door, she is sitting there already.  Waiting.  Enthusiastically.

Our first Thursday of the new year!!  I was ready to get back on track with a normal routine.  I was burned out on the holidays and all of the socializing that comes along with the hectic, jolly season.  I was ready to get back into my regular routine.  I was happy to be up and out the door early and on my way to meet up with my sweet friend. We were going to discuss our new Yoga class we were enrolled in on Saturday mornings!!  Hurray!!

As I pulled into the parking lot I noticed her car right away.  Of courseeee she would be there before me!   I walked in and turned my attention to one of the two spots that we usually sit in.  And, there she was.  Big, bright reddish bouffant, smiling eyes and a huge grin.  *over here!!*  She always stands up when she spots me walking in and waves her arm enthusiastically back and forth – as If I would not be able to find her unless she stood up and signaled me.  Ohhh, my dear, sweet friend must not be aware that I can see her big, beautiful bouffant over the top of the booth from across the room whether or not she stands up to greet me.

I made a beeline for the booth and sat down.  She had papers and a schedule in front of her and was ready to dive into the details of our new Yoga class.  I scooted into the booth across from her and looked at the coffee and water sitting in front of me.  She had put a slice of lemon in my water.  Everybody knows that lemons help to flush out all the millions of calories and impurities that we tend to shove into our bodies over the holidays.  Every little bit counts!!  And, if we can lose weight just by drinking lemon water, bring it on!!

We were all settled in and ready to get to the gabbing.  She looked up at me and immediately knew that something was a little off.  Women do that.  We have a special, ingrained sense of female esp.  We can tell when one of our girlfriends are upset about something.  She asked me what was wrong and I burst into tears.  I had been thinking about my Mom on the way to the coffee shop.  About how desperately I missed her.  My heart-felt such a heavy weight that morning.  I knew that this time of year was a trigger.  The anniversary – the first anniversary of her passing was just around the corner.  It was all too much to bear.

My bestie popped up and went to get some makeshift Kleenex (scratchy paper napkins).  She handed them to me and scooted back in the booth.  I took them and held them up to my face.  I was covering my face with them and blubbering.  I was hiding behind them.  She told me to put them down.  That she knew I was back there behind the scratchy napkin crying.  I thought to myself, that comment was something my Mom would have laughed about.   And as I thought about my Mom laughing at a comment like that, I began to laugh, myself.  I laughed for a minute and then cried some more.  It was the ugly cry where your face is all skewed up.  But then I thought about my friend telling me that she knew I was behind the napkin and my emotions turned into a half laugh half cry.  I lowered my scratchy shield an inch and looked at her through watery, drowned eyes from over the top.  She didn’t seem to be phased that I was making a scene.  So I chanced lowering the napkin all the way down and looked her straight in the eye.  And, went on to unload my soul to her.  Like I had so many times in the past year.  She sat there and listened as I unloaded my grieving sorrow to her.  She had all the right things to say.  All the while, reaching across the table and holding my hand.  And after about 10- 15 minutes, I felt so much better.  I pulled myself together, we smiled at each other.  It had passed.  Unloading on her was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders.  So, we went on to discuss how we were going to become Yoga Guru’s in 2015.  (Lord help us! )

I have always been aware of the fact that women need women in their lives.  Or, maybe it’s just me.  But I don’t think so.  I really do believe that women need women.  For socializing.  For nurturing.  For talking with.  We are strong and intelligent and loyal to each other.  We relate to one another and usually think along the same wavelengths.  I’m constantly amazed by my friends who seem to know when I need them. And, we are complicated.  Men, not so much.  Men are simple.  They can get along with a tv remote and a bag of snacks as their sidekicks.  I’m not sure if I envy that or not.  I just know that I have some amazing women in my life.  I have been blessed with an abundance of besties.  All good women to their core.

Our Thursdays have been a special blessing to me.  This past year would have been overwhelming without my girlfriends in my life.  I treasure each and every one of them.  And, I know just how blessed I am to have the company of so many amazing women on a day-to-day basis in my life.

My Mom was an amazing woman herself.  I miss her SO much.  I think about her everyday.  I will never stop missing her or feeling her void.  But with a little help from my girlfriends from time to time, I learn to smile over the memories I have rather than dwell on the pain.

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67 thoughts on “Why women need women in their lives”

  1. Thank you for sharing this. I have one of those friends too. we havent committed to weekly meetings as of yet, our schedules wont give us that, but we have been together since we were 10 years old, and she knows my heart. I hope the pain of missing mom is tempered by the joy of the years you had her. That is the only way I get through the loss, almost 4 years ago, of my precious dad.

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    1. It took us and while to start up on our weekly meetings. You’ll probably end up there just like we have! Thank you for your well wishes about my mom. It’s the hardest loss I’ve ever had to deal with. And it changed my life. Thanks for the comment and stopping by reading my blog!

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    1. I was wondering if any of my mail readers would stop by and give me a little hassle for this post. I almost felt guilty writing it and not including the part about common bond also. Be on the lookout though! I sent a follow-up to this blog post! Thanks for the comment and for stopping by and reading my blog!! 😃👍

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  3. Chrissy Layton

    I can’t wait until I’m old enough to live in a retirement community or an old folk’s home because that’s the only time (other than living in a dorm in college) that it’s socially acceptable to live in a building full of your friends!

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  6. I am glad you have your girlfriends to help you get through the good and bad. I am also blessed with many and I would not be able to manage life without them. Grief hits us out of the blue sometimes – even when we are thinking we are dealing with everything just fine. Continue to take it one day at a time.

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    1. Yes!! No sugar coating or having to be “on.” There is nothing better in the world than a friend you can totally be yourself with and open up to completely without fear of being judged.

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  9. It’s been 4 years since my mom passed and I still get “pangs” when I see a daughter (about my age) and her mom shopping. My sisters, daughter and friends (and my husband) fill that void to some extent and I would like to have more regular contact with some of them. I like your idea of scheduling something each week or even each month!
    I don’t follow many blogs and I really like the look (and of course, the content) of yours.
    I’m relatively new to blogging and was wondering which Word Press theme you use and where you get the cute pics that look like sketches. Would you mind sharing that info?
    Thanks so much!

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    1. Well, first off, I’m sorry for your loss. I know that time softens the pain but that it never totally goes away.

      Welcome to WP! The theme that I use is retired now so it is no longer available for use. WP does that every so often. When you go to your dashboard, you will see a link for themes. You can click the link that says “preview” to see how that theme would look on your blog. I went through a lot of them before I found this one. And, you can customize them as much or little as you like.

      As far as the graphics I use, I write my posts first and then decide where I want to put pics. After making that decision, I use Google images to search for pics that would fit the topic of the post. I do not use anyone’s in particular but I think you are referring to the drawings from an artist named Inslee. If you do a search on her you may find some drawings you like. Good luck with your blogging! 🙂

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  10. backtowhatever

    I have moved to another country for my job, she has given birth in the meantime and we have hardly any time left for skype. When I’m down she’s the first one I wish could be there. Wonderful post, it made me miss her even more 🙂

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  11. I really enjoyed reading this post, thanks for that. I admire you and your friends commitment to your Thursday meet ups, it’s a great idea, something I would love to try. I didn’t expect you to burst into tears but thank you for the honesty I can relate, I lost my brother and his first anniversary is coming up also – I have done the exact same thing many times. You are right getting it off your chest for those minutes really lightens the weight. I’m glad you have had a support network through your loss and I hope you get stronger. Keep the positivity. All the best
    Alien Girl

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    1. Thank you so much!! Im so sorry for your loss. I hope that you have the support system that everyone needs while grieving. I think that blogging is a form of getting it off our chests. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by!

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  12. Deliberately Delicious

    Amen, sister! I don’t know what I would do without my wonderful women friends, many of whom have known me 20 years or longer. I love that you have a Thursday coffee date with your bestie. What a good way to stay connected and to nourish yourselves. We need that sense of sisterhood in out lives. I am looking forward to a long hike tomorrow with my oldest friend; we met in junior high school and have remained friends in the 30 plus years since.

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  13. I do agree with women needing women friends, but I would also say that, I value my male friends too! But in terms of offloanding, that, would be to female friends, and my support network is very important to me…..

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  14. I so loved this blog post. I have a circle of women (there are 7 of us including my sister) who have hung together for nearly 20 years now. We’ve helped raise each others’ kids, been there for births, deaths, marriage failures, NEW marriages… I could not have managed all the U-turns and detours in my life had it not been for them. It’s so good to know that someone’s got your back, isn’t it? Your post was a real treasure.

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    1. Yes it is. And even when we can’t see our friends as often as we’d like, it’s just so nice to know that there are bonds there that are so tight, that whether it’s been 6 days or 6 months since last getting together, you can pick right up as if you saw each other yesterday. Love That kind of friendship!!

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  16. I lost my Mom many Januarys ago (2001) and I still miss our chats … and her. Having someone to turn to who understands, who ‘gets’ you, is priceless. Here’s a virtual hug and a wish for you that you have a very excellent 2015. You really touched my heart.

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  18. lucy

    I can barley see my keyboard through the tears, I was truly touched by your story, I too have an amazing friend who is thoughtful, kind and ALWAYS fun to be around, she’s a strong and caring woman and I can’t imagine my life with out her!

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    1. Exactly!! The workouts are almost as good as coffee’s together when you do them with a good friend. Altho, My friends and I tend to laugh a lot when we are at the gym and *supposed* to be disciplined.

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  23. I agree! I treasure my girlfriends and feel truly blessed having them in my life – some I’ve had for many years and some for just a short while and they all bring different things to our lives compared to our husbands/partners and children and have the right words at the right time, just as you describe so beautifully. One thing we do is to go away together for a girlie weekend every year and we are saving up in our holiday fund for a big trip (we are thinking of Las Vegas!) when we all reach our next Big birthday!

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    1. I LOVE the idea of going away for a girls weekend. We do weekends in the city together, but have so far not done a trip way together. I would love to get on that bandwagon!! How lucky you are to have friend that have the time and means to do this!!! Im happy for you! 🙂

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      1. Thank you! We are saving $50/month and it has been adding up so planning our big trip soon. Perhaps you should suggest it to some your friends! I have to admit I was inspired to do this by my sister and her friends.

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  24. This is so very relatable. Perhaps it is all women. I don’t know. But I do know that my best friend and my sister are two people I can offload to about anything and they can do the same with me. The laughter and the mixed in tears are such a healing. My mum’s anniversary was November and each year, leading up to it, I can feel that loss afresh like it was yesterday. It does get easier but is still raw from time to time. A huge chunk of life and friendship, if we’ve been lucky, is missing and no one can quite replace that particular person. But friends and sisters and others who are close can make it all bearable.
    This was a lovely read, knowing that so many other women (and possibly men, I don’t know) can bring such comfort and joy to one another. Being there for one another in the good and the bad, the happy and the sad. And making each other laugh even while we’re crying. Very special relationships.

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    1. agreed. I honestly do not know how I would have made it through the past few years without my girlfriends. I have had some real ups and down…like so many of us do, and to not be able to call up a special friend to cry with would be unthinkable to me. I’d probably be in the looney bin by now. lol… 🙂

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  25. What a wonderful friend you have. How beautiful the love that you and your mother have shared. Treasure those beautiful memories you have of your mom because so many mothers and daughters are not close at all and don’t even speak to each other.

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  30. Your story about Women Needing Other Women was very touching. It’s a very lonely place to be when moments like that come along. I’ve intentionally taught my daughter to maintain her friendships, not only for her benefit someday, but to be there for her true friends as well.

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  31. This is such an amazing post. Female friendships are the most precious things in the Universe. I live many miles away from my best girls and am extremely grateful for technology’s assistance with our own coffee dates. Making a commitment to stay in touch with the women who support and inspire us is one of the healthiest things we can do for our selves. Thanks so much for this post and lovely reminder to make some calls!

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  32. Such a lovely post, so glad that WP featured this one to introduce you. We have been a family on the move, 7 different states over the years, so I’ve left a very few close friends across the country. I envy the longevity of your friendships, while cherishing mine, in spite of geography. Women are wired to communicate on a very different level, and that is special. Thanks for this one. ☺ Van

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  33. What a great post! Women DO need women and I am so grateful for the fabulous women in my life. I was not always that in tune to that need (raising young children, working, marriage, etc–and I have a rock-solid sister to confide in) but as I got older, my female friends have become much more important. When my mother died. When I went through a divorce at 51. Wow. Each and every one of them was there…every step of the way. And I have been richer for it. Thanks for sharing.

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  36. Pingback: Mamma Mia!! | Being Margaret

  38. I love this post. I have a friend that I meet with once a month and I have known her for about 30 years. Wow! Such a long time to have a friend and when we get together, it is like we haven’t been apart. We pick up right where we left off. Thanks for writing this and reminding me of the value of women friendships.

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