Do you have a space to call your own?

On By Peggy BereIn Musings

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It’s been raining for days.  I used to dread cold, gloomy, rainy weather.  That was before my blogging days.  Now?  I look forward to them because frankly, they seem to provide the best environment for writing.  They have a way of helping to diminish the guilt that we tend to feel when we stay indoors on sunny days.

I bought a desk a few months ago.  A desk that I could tuck away into a corner somewhere in my home – into a carved out a space of my own for the days I wanted to write.  Days just like we’ve had this week.  It landed up in the spare bedroom.  A room that once housed my oldest son before he got married.  A room that in my oldest son’s opinion, “got taken apart, dismantled and redecorated far too fast after he moved out”  (He’s still a little heartbroken over that fact!).

My own space!  It’s a place that I have carefully crafted into my very own oasis.  It’s cozy and feminine and perfect for slipping into when I want to get away from the chaos and monotonous routine of everyday – the doorbell, the phone, my last remaining home bound son and his friends, my Hubs and his constant, endearing male questions. “Honey, where’s my glasses?” “Did you get the mail yet?” “Margaret, what on earth have you been using the credit card on!?”

Those are the moments when, yes, it’s time to hideaway in my oasis.  I mean, honestly, for the past 30 years I have lived in a house of all men and myself.  The ratio is 4 to 1.  A ratio, in all honesty, that I have loved and adored because, well, let’s face it, boys are easier to raise than girls.  No raging hormones.  No cat fights with their female friends.  No over the top emotional displays of drama.  And, if my guys did get into a “disagreement” with their friends, it was heatedly discussed one moment and then forgotten the next.  Easy as pie!  Love my guys more than anything on earth!!!!

These days, I find myself hiding in my new, beautiful retreat more and more.  And, during all times of the day and night.  When Clark’s big, resounding snoring is keeping me awake, off I go to my oasis.  This was an added bonus provided by my special holed-up sanctuary that was a wonderful surprise!!  I had never thought about it as an escape from my sleepless nights when one of Clark’s colds (which he assures me that neither I nor anyone else on earth has ever experienced anything remotely as bad)  or his allergies made it sound like I was sleeping next to the freight train.  I used to just poke, kick or pinch him to get him to roll over to his side. This tended to give temporary relief from the quartet of loud trombones coming from my Hubs slumbering mouth.  When he became so accustomed to those tactics that he started to sleep through them, I tried a new approach.  I’d slap the mattress real hard right next to his head.  At first, this would startle him out of a deep sleep.  Heart racing and breathless, he jump straight up, hold his heart and ask me what in the world happened.  Naturally, I’d pretend to be asleep, rouse sleepily and tell him he imagined it.

Now, I can just slip out of bed and away from his personal symphony and head to my own peaceful crash pad.  It’s a win/win for both of us!!  Hurray!

When I first decided to redecorate the room, I promised my hubs it would be a simple project.  Slap a coat of new paint on the walls and buy a new bedspread. Like all worthwhile decorating projects, it turned into a monster.  Once I got a new bedspread, well, the old night stands had to go.  And, once those were replaced, New drapes, mirrors, wall art and lamps soon followed.  Each day as Clark would get home from work and climb the stairs to change his clothes from work, he’d pause briefly by “the” room, glance inside and wonder what new addition he’d find.  I would always assure him that whatever he spotted was a great deal with a huge, slashed discount!!!  Now that I think of it,  I was actually being very considerate in how I was saving him so much money!

This week, I’ve decided I need a small sofa, chair and ottoman or chaise in my home away from home.  And, I’m on the hunt!

Stormy days.  I once found them depressing, boring and lonely.  Today I find myself comforted by surrounding myself in the space I call my own.  Do you have a special place you that you can escape to when the creative juices are flowing?  Or, when you simply want to be by yourself for, well, whatever reason?  I hope so.  It’s a life changer!

inslee-designs

70 thoughts on “Do you have a space to call your own?”

  1. lucy

    Love this, I can picture you up in ‘THE ROOM” with robe and slippers on, a glass of wine in hand staring out of the window waiting for your next inspiration to hit…can’t wait.

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  2. You paint an enticing picture, Margaret. I live alone so my whole condo is ‘my space’. But reading and journaling happens on a sofa that looks out over the river valley across from my building, as I sip a glass of red wine or a mug of rich coffee (depending on the day/time). As Virginia Woolf said, a writer does need a room of his/her own!

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    1. Oh Vera, Somehow I just knew you’d be familiar with Virginia Woolf’s insightful quote. I used to write at my kitchen table. I found out quickly that I love being alone and somewhere quiet when I write. I’m with Virginia!

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    1. You can make this happen for yourself. It does not have to be a special room in your home, it can be somewhere in public that you go to. Even a library! Some of them are o0o0oo, so fancy! And – ALWAYS quiet!

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  4. I’ve been trying to carve out space fire worrying in the little space I have, but have lately found that I do most of my work OUT. A little table looking out at the world from the corner of a coffee shop or the sidewalk near my foodcarts. But, with the rainy season picking up I am longing for a nice space of my own.

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  5. I so relate to your post, Margaret. I do have a little spot of my own. Like yours, it’s my crash pad. I don’t have room for a little couch, but I have my recliner, my music, my little desk, and my own bed just the way I like it.

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  6. I’ve found that I often enjoy writing more on raining days than sunny days too. I’m in a transitional period though when I’m trying to find my own space again. It’s been somewhat difficult. But I loved reading how you’re creating your own right now. Thanks for the inspiration. 🙂 In the mean time, I also like going to a library and Barnes and Noble to write, since I’m surrounded by books and I find it comforting and relaxing sometimes.

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  8. Kari Shemwell

    I grew up in a house exactly opposite of yours. All girls. Three sisters, a mom, and my poor dad! What I would have given for a space like this. But, now that I’m all grown up, I have a wonderful office space with natural lighting next to my garden. Well… it’s just an empty room right now… but we’re getting there.

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    1. God Bless Your Dad!!!..lol! I think he probably had a harder gig than I did. Whenever I have friends whose hubby’s grew up in a family of all women, we tend to form an unspoken bond. When discussing the parallel’s, there’s always a lot of laughter.

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    1. So well said. I’m glad to see someone else taking Virginia Wolff seriously. My former husband used to think I was crazy to want some quiet space. Now, I just have a housemate who works long hours, so I can sit in my recliner and write or meditate.
      Re:sons – My son was a challenge, but I’m grateful for my four great-grandsons, so much easier to please than girls.

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    2. @lulu – Oh! That goes without saying!! I absolutely LOVE when I have my house to myself. My husband rarely travels for business. When he does, I take full advantage of my alone time. Pure Bliss!

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  11. I live in a tiny tiny house with a husband, a 4-year old and little dog. There’s a garage with a special room in there that I used to sit and write in, furnished it with a TV and a radio and it’s carpeted and all that – but I found it stifling. Now it’s where I store things that no longer fit in the tiny house and I write on the dining room table, a little dining nook next to a south-facing window that’s cleared off when it’s time to eat, but when it’s not, it’s all mine. For now, that’s the space I call my own 🙂

    Thank you for visiting my blog, by the way! I’m so glad you found me and now I’ve found your wonderful blog!

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    1. You’re very welcome! I’m so glad we found each other’s blogs.

      I wrote my blog for 2 years from a kitchen table in the center of a room that had most of the activity in the house. When I really needed privacy, i would sit on my bed with the door shut. Your surroundings are probably more common than not. Good luck to you! I enjoyed your blog.

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  13. Thanks for visiting my blog and liking today’s post.
    This is a great and inspiring post. I’m with you on the writing on rainy days. To that I’d like to add cold winter days and dark winter nights.
    I share my writing space with my hubby…he’s quite well behaved and doesn’t disturb me too much. But, I like it best when I’ve got the room to myself.
    Your post has given me an idea for a post on my blog, so thanks for that.

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    1. Oh, well you’re very welcome!! And here’s to cold rainy nights and wintery weather!!

      I also love snow. And dark nights. It must be a writers thing. Im anxious to read your blogpost you mentioned. Will check back again soon!

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  14. You know, I did the same thing when my first born, also a son, moved out. Tons of book shelves, my beloved drop-front desk, a love seat, pictures of the ocean… Funny thing is, the space is great for COZY writing like my journals and letters. But to be really CREATIVE I end up in the living room (there’s NO TV) with the laptop on a Tablemate table from Bed, Bath and Beyond (one of the best $29 investments I ever made) and I feel like I have way more room to expand and create. Came as quite a shock to me since I’d wanted my own room forever. Go figure. Of course the downside is there’s only certain times I can get the place to myself. And thanks for stopping by my blog, btw!

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  19. Ahh my own space. After recently moving in with my boyfriend, (who’s a culprit of those “endearing male questions”), I found myself a little guilty about treasuring my own space. I have a desk, all my favorite books, and a bed I like to cozy up in our guest bedroom, and it’s my favorite place in the house!

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  21. Looove this post!! I have recently just had this “epiphany” of rainy days myself! — They make for excellent writing and being all cozy. When it’s sunny out and a beautiful day, I feel absolutely guilty for staying inside, even if I wanna blog and have indoor things to get done…what’s a girl to do?

    Can you post a picture of the room??

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    1. Exactly! You get it! I used to dread those days – the rainy ones. Now I love them. The guilt can just drown in the raindrops. : )

      Yes, I will post pictures. I will take some soon, maybe tomorrow. I’ll update this post or write a follow-up WITH pics.

      Thanks for stopping by.

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  22. You’re living the dream of millions of women – a room of one’s own! Our lives sound very parallel complete with snoring spouse and having sons. I carved out a ‘guest room’ from my eldest’s ‘cave’ after he moved out and I would escape there from the snores and head colds. My youngest has recently wormed his way into that space. Sometimes I just want to stomp my foot!
    The house is big enough so I just pick any empty room (currently I’m in the study/TV room, which is seldom used except to watch a movie) but I long for that space to call just my own. Alas, the dream continues.
    I totally agree that rainy days are the best days for blogging – guilt-free!

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    1. Well, my dear friend, one of my sons also returned to the nest. I do not mind having him here at all. Truth be told, I miss my kids a lot and it’s been nice having him back for a while. However, I still have my room. Your room will be yours again soon enough.

      And yes – love those guilt free, rainy days! They’re da bomb!

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  24. I love the comment about how soon you redecorated the room when your son moved out. I did the same with the same reaction, “Uh, Can you at least wait until I’m gone?” Thanks for stopping by my blog to read. I love the artwork on your blog. Is it yours? so sweet.

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  26. I’ve finally managed to get my own desk since moving into our new flat. It’s making writing so much easier compared to when I had to sit at the dining table. I’m sharing the ‘study’ with my boyfriend though, so not quite a room of my own just yet!

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  28. Thanks for liking my Cinderella post. I just updated it so the volume is better. I really like your posts. They are inspiring. I’m trying to find my voice again. My beloved died 4 months ago and I can’t seem to get hold my mindset. We always wrote together and now as the blanket of snow covers my world, I find myself melancholy and looking for him to come thru the snow, grab my hand, and walk me thru this wintry wonderland. Have you written anything about loss. Sure could use some encouragement.

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    1. Oh, Im so sorry for your loss! It’s so hard to find your writing voice afterwards and yes, it effected my writing also. I found that after losing my Mom in February, my entire writing voice changed. I find that there are so many times that the topic of loss sneaks into my posts but there are two posts I write specifically on the topic. Both were hard to write but I felt better after doing so. Here are the links to them if you would like to read them. https://beingmargaret.com/2014/02/24/dear-mom/ and https://beingmargaret.com/2014/04/10/the-taxi/

      Take things one day at a time. I wish you peace.

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    1. Email address? Hmmm, Im not sure what that is about but there is a link on the side of my site in the upper right hand corner that says “follow” All you have to do is click on that and then add YOUR email address where it asks you to do so. Make sure you add the .com at the end. Good Luck!

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  31. I giggled as I read about your attempts to quiet your husband’s snoring. I really identified with the redecorating. My nest is empty now, and I have done some painting and decorating this year, too. I used to do my blogging at a table in my bedroom in order to get away from everybody. Now I blog mostly in the kitchen where I am only a few steps away from the coffee pot. 🙂

    Blessings,
    Theresa

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