Until death do us part

On By Peggy BereIn Musings

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It’s Tuesday morning.  It’s been my norm for years and years to get up early.  Very early.  Usually between 4:30 – 5am.  Since I decided to retire early – last December – I’ve gotten into the habit of sleeping in late.  Well, late for me.  I usually wake up around 7am.  This was alarming to me at first.  I felt shame and guilt.  I felt lazy.  As my Mom used to say to me, “half the day is gone!”  It must be an Irish thing.  She used to get up early.  For as long as I can remember, she was up before the sunrise.   She would have half of her housework done by 7am.  But, I’ve gotten used to the luxury of sleeping in “late.”

So, its morning.  I’m having coffee.  I’m sitting at my kitchen counter and looking at a blank, white screen in front of my sleepy eyes.  My blog is calling to me. It pulls me in.  But for the past few months I’ve had a sort of writers block.  Clark says I’m forcing it – that when I’m ready to write again, it will come naturally.  Like it always has.  And, he’s right.

Brian – my youngest son – has said to me in the past that when I don’t have anything to write about, perhaps it’s because I have not been doing anything “write worthy”.  He’s observant.  I believe this to be the case of my self-proclaimed block.

 

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I could chalk it up to the transition of summer into fall if I really needed a scapegoat.  The changing of the seasons.  The fault could be laid at the heels of that happy sad place we find ourselves in when saying goodbye to one season and welcoming in the next.  I always feel a little bit melancholy as the seasons change.   And when I’m melancholy, I tend to take a break from writing.  Oh, the changing seasons is a cycle of life that I love – one that I really do not think I could live without witnessing year in and out, but still, it’s a constant reminder of how fast time goes.  The seasons speed by.  You blink your eyes and time flies.  Really, it would be unusual to go through an entire Summer without hearing at least a dozen times…that old familiar phrase..”I can’t believe the Summer is almost over!”  And it’s true.  It’s always a shock to see how fast it went by and how the next season has miraculously arrived without you noticing that it snuck up on you.

But, there it is.  Fresh and new.  A new beginning. A new cycle.  A new Season.   A fresh start.  With all the promise and excitement of what lies ahead for you.  New resolutions. New untapped energy.  Come on New Season…I’m ready!

 

Seasons Change

 

However, If I am going to be honest, my writer’s block could most likely be chalked up to the Clark Factor.  My better half tends to be around the house more than he used to be.  Right now he is upstairs snoozing.  He took the day off.  In all honesty, he takes a lot of time off of work these days.  He is somewhat semi retired.  He usually golf’s on the days he is not working, but I had a mini empty-Nester melt down last week and accused him of not wanting to spend time with me.  Suddenly, this week he decided to spend his time off with me rather than hitting the links with his golf buddies.  Coincidence?  Nah, I don’t think so.  But, I didn’t fight it.  I decided to soak in the attention and enjoy spending some quality one on one time with my Hubs!  YaY!!

Booo!!  By noon on the first day that we spent together,  I was wondering what in the world I was thinking when I practically bullied him into spending his day off with me rather than the guys.  In theory, I was going to love having him around!!  Hurray!! Us time!!   In reality, it didn’t quite work out that way.  He was in my space.  All.Day.Long.  It’s not that he was actually doing anything wrong – I just had not realized how much I liked my days to myself and my routine kept in place.  I didn’t want to spend my day running to the hardware store with him.  Or, dropping him off at the car dealership to get his car looked at.  I didn’t want to eat lunch at 10:30am or watch the financial station on TV all morning.  Or worse yet, watch golf on TV.  And, when we went to the grocery store together, it took some getting used to watching him plow the cart down the center of the aisle and getting into some sort of freakish road rage event with the other shoppers.  *Holy Cow!!*

By 3pm that day, I started to suspect that he was purposely trying to tick me off so I would beg him to please.. please, for the sake of our marriage…go golfing!!!  And, I did.  I told him to go golf with his friends.  He was happier,  I was happier.  I realized that having him around gave me an odd sense of feeling all out of whack.

Slowly (and Thank Goodness!!)  eventually he reverted back to his old ways.  I once again became a (happy) golf widow.  And more importantly, I was able to write again.  He still hangs around somewhat in the early mornings before he heads out for his day with the guys, but that’s a compromise I can live with. 

So now, these days when I am happily alone at home and carrying on with my usual routine, I wonder about what full retirement will be like.  How do retiree’s do it?  How do they learn to live together all day long without driving each other crazy??  Is it something that simply takes getting used to?  And if so, how long is the transition period?

I Love My Hubs!!  He’s my better half and my soul-mate and for better or worse, he’s my best friend!!  Until Death Do us part!!!  But, I pull my hair out when he’s around all day.  I feel like I’m losing my ever-lovin’ mind!!  I can not be the only one who goes nuts when your loved one suddenly decides to spend the day with you.  Can I?

 

 

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56 thoughts on “Until death do us part”

  1. I can so relate. My hubby “retired” a number of years ago, I thought I would lose my mind, he would call me every day at work to check if I’d called him, and heaven forbid I was late home. Eventually he started a new business, and now he is working towards retiring again, talking about all the things we will do together. Yes, I tell him, knowing only too well we will not be spending 24-7 together!

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  3. smart phone owner - alias sis

    Once again, you are a bright and shiny star in my universe.

    I do not for the life of me understand how my “retired” hubby can find so much to do all day long. When did he get things done when he worked a full time job? What is he really doing while I am still at work?
    And yet, my honey-do list never gets a cross-off.

    I think I need to do a partial trade-in with my hubs and my sister….who I really have fun with when we spend out days together

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  4. Oh boy, do I ever know this feeling! I used to have the whole day to myself – loads of alone-time, filled with peace and quiet. Then in Feb. my spouse was laid off, what an adjustment! Constant interruptions, how can I write? It took months before we developed ‘parallel’ days, meeting up around 4 to walk the dog. I need a lot of time to myself and while he would prefer it otherwise, he has accepted it. I get rather mean when I feel crowded! 😉 He starts a new job this week. Just watch how much I’ll probably miss him!

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    1. Oh wow. I wonder if all writer’s are alike in that we need solitude. It comes with the territory. And yes, I also get “crabby” when someone is in my space. 😉 I hope I learn to write while he is around. We need to find a happy medium.

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      2. My husband and I share our little work “cave–” he at his computer, and me at mine. He’s the kind of guy who’s comfortable in his own little space, and appreciates my need to work out the wheels of thoughts spinning in my brain…so I’ve no excuse for not writing…:-)

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  6. I’m not there yet but already anticipating it. I love the quiet of my days and I get really out of whack (mean? Crazy? martyr-like?) when I don’t get my space. I love spending time with my hubby, and I love my time without him as well. I guess it’s all about balance.

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  7. Patti Kraai

    LOL!!!!! We really do think alike!! We have done it in stages. He retired from the company and started his own business at home. I was still working! His office was upstairs, I lived downstairs! I retired and he re-retired over a period of several years. We do a lot together but each still do our own thing. Plus … you get old and mellow and really enjoy your time with your best bud!! The best is yet to come! Love ya

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    1. Most of our 29 years has been spent at home together and it can morph into a mini turf war of sorts if you aren’t careful to practice what my Kindergarten teacher called ‘sharing and playing well with others’ ;). You’ll figure it out as you go. I like Patti Kraai’s take on mixing the togetherness with a little of your own thing.

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        1. Well, can I tell you the truth? He’s a pastor and we also minister in Ghana where we are just ending a 9 week village ministry trip—and I can’t wait to get back to the States and drive around in the car ALONE ;). Gary reminds couples seeking pre-marital counseling that “they have to die to get out of this”! Some days it has looked like a reasonable option.

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          1. Haha!! Well, now I have even more admiration for you. I married into a family with more than it’s fair share of missionaries. Being stuck in close quarters with the hubby in the states is one thing. Being in close quarters out of the country is a whole new ballgame. We women need to stick together 🙂

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    1. You’re welcome! Keep in mind that my posts are often written tongue in cheek. Keeping life in balance is key. All things considered, I miss my Hubs very much when he goes to work.

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  14. LOL–from the other side of the fence: I retired a year ago last August and stuck it out for a few months. Changed every window in the house and put a new roof on the shed. Once it got cold and I had to go indoors I started to get the itch.
    Yup–back to work and enjoying it 🙂

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  16. Your thoughts on seasons definitely resonate with me. My husband and I lived in Charleston, SC last year after being in the Midwest our whole lives and I missed the change of seasons more than I thought I would. Although, I did not miss the long, cold winter!

    Thanks for stopping by my blog 🙂

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    1. I am actually one of the crazy people who love cold, snowy weather and think I’d miss it if I ever moved to a warm weather spot. I have been to Charleston, It’s beautiful there. Good food, too!! 🙂

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  17. I love the way you use your words. I had to laugh about it so hard, i am not married, not even close but i had this old boyfriend who wanted to be with me all day and every day.. It’s not good.. Not even in the first years.. Thought i’d go insane.. 😛 I also need a lot of me-time..

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      1. I met an old girl friend for lunch about 6 months ago. She never got married but I did, 30 years ago. She believes that all marriages should have a 10 year expiration with option to renew date (she was in commercial real estate). I have to admit, that as I listened, it made a small bit of sense but, by my track record, clearly not enough.

        She says people were not meant to be monogamous and so it ends in conversations like your blog and its replies that are often guiltily punctuated with ….” and I love my hubby.” Said, with a chill of winter words that blow the dying leave off the october trees, but are appropriate for societies ears and the lowering of the flag at a graveside. As Margber said, “men are from Mars and women are from Venus” ……but I wonder what’s left when there is such a wall between us?

        Quoting Margber, “I think that we would be fooling ourselves if we thought that 5% of women could not relate to this. And the ones who can’t? They are probably 22 and just married.”

        I would love to know what the husbands are wishing to write to each other but will not because they are more often from Mars (men of action and less words). Women of Venus sit around the campfire (or blog) building friendships, in case ‘hubby” won’t come home from the dinosaur hunt. Men hunt for food and yes, the passion that has died in their women’s eyes and possibly words.

        As writers we too want time and space but in space and time we want passion and intimacy not spoken with words but with warm smiles and passionate hugs, kisses and touches…… is that only for 22 years olds?

        “Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be?”…… I will let you know, I still have some time, I think.

        Janr

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          1. I have been inspired by and enjoyed reading your blog! I very much appreciate your connecting with me by visiting mine. You have helped motivate my thinking and I need to get out of my head and into my heart so your words could not have come at a better time……

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  19. It’s interesting reading through all the comments here…. I too share your sentiments about wanting to spend some time to yourself. I get that all the time with my partner. Sometimes I question why we’re even together because we sometimes tend to be so completely opposite. I will look at a day off as a chance to have a sleep in, or spend the day in my pyjamas writing, whereas he sees a day off as getting up at the same time, and spending the day doing chores. He doesn’t know how to relax, and feels guilty if he’s not doing ‘something’. I sometimes think that I’d love to have a week off – just myself – go somewhere coastal and by the ocean, or completely inland and surrounded by the bush, just so I can have some time for just ‘me’. Time to think. Time to reflect. Time to sleep. Time to write and develop that creative aspect – all that stuff that he just doesn’t really seem to ‘get’.

    So, no, you’re not alone. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to spend some time alone. It’s good for the soul.

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    1. I think it’s a wonderful idea to go away for a week by yourself. If it is at all possible, I think you should treat yourself to just such a trip. And then, Write about it!! 🙂

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  20. Marcella Rousseau

    I retired early too. My normal wakeup time now is 9:30am. Today it was 11:30am which is too late, even for me but the weather is gloomy, rainy, thundering so I figure I probably had a restless night and needed the sleep. I like being alone which is the direct opposite of what I used to like! It grew on me. There are an awful lot of perks to having total independence and doing whatever you want whenever you want without having to worry about what someone else thinks, needs, or whatever. After spending more than half my life doing just that, it’s great to be able to just minister to my needs and focus on myself. I’ve come to feel that being alone is way under-rated!

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    1. I agree. Although it took me some time to get to the point where I cherished the alone time rather than dreaded it.

      I missed the controlled chaos when my kids all grew up and moved on to their own, independent lives. I now cherish every moment they come back to visit. AND, I have learned to love my own time and space.

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  22. As a woman in the “22 and just married” category, (and also as a commenter a little late to the party), I felt like I should give my side of the subject as well. I got married just over 4 months ago, and because of our schedules, my husband and I rarely get a day off together. It’s about to get even worse, as he is interviewing for a job with a swing shift position. I miss spending time with him, and I long for days alone together- like today, when, miracle of miracles, neither of us has to work.

    But… There are also plenty of times that I want time alone. Because of my living situation, I went a year without having a room to really and truly call my own. Extroverted as I am, I was dying for some time where I could close the door, be alone, and do whatever I want because it was my space. Now that we have our new apartment and I CAN do that…. I LOVE it. I feel like no matter what stage of a relationship you’re in, if it’s healthy, you still enjoy alone time. And honestly, when Tyler’s around, I don’t get nearly as much done around here!

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